On whatever is of a Good report...think on these things

I learned something this week. I learned that though I experience trial and misunderstandings from others, or when I get in situations where I feel like I'm treated as if I'm a 'retard' or when dealing with religious pride or religious spirits in others...I flee as quick as I can from those situations that would get me to blow up..and then focus on what is of a good report (Philippians).
I got myself in a situation...I had befriended a couple..I love them, and won't hold hard feeligns against them...but...I have difficulty with some things. I won't go into details, but I would explain this:

I have a hard time dealing with other Believers who have the attitude that they are in God's Will but everyone else is out of His Will. They talk about how "so and so' is missing God's will in this or that, and keep talking about those people they say are out of God's will. I don't want focus on that. I want to talk about good things. another example is this:

For ministrys and churches, the attitude that everyone else is out of God's Will but they are the only ones in His Will or have it all together spiritually. I've been there, done that and don't want to do that again. For example..lets say that one church prefers one kind of music, southern gospel, and all other kinds are of the devil...or another example..Everyone is to become Messianic, and if someone is not Messianic (living a culturally Jewish TOrah observant lifestyle) then they are out of God's will. And, just as the church in the victorian days demanded that Native Americans give up being "indian' and learn to become culturally assimilated into the Westernized victorian culture, so, too, today, they have to give that up, and become assimilated into a Messianic Jewish lifestyle.

I sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me. I don't know why I wasn't joyful and excited meeting a certain couple and hanging out with them. Instead I got fearful and anxious about things. I felt as if it might be going 'back' to like when I was in the abusive fellowship some years ago.

I don't know if I have some defect and unable to be comfortable in what I think is where GOd wants me...or if that isn't where God wants me in the first place and He allows me to not feel comfortable in that situation.

I blew up at the couple. One day I talked with her, and it caused me to get upset and I hung up on her and then wailed in pain..to the LORD. Then, immediately, a new acqaitance started calling me and wanting to go hiking, rock hounding, etc. It was as if the LORD sent her to keep me from staying home sulking about the stuff I just went thru. Then, I got on the internet and found out Bill Miller was in Israel and BOOM, i got excited for him being there and smiling, and started praying and playing my flute...and wishing I was over in Israel BIGTIME to see Israeli faces as they hear Bill Miller's music!
LOL, in fact, it must be God's will for me to go hiking, etc, with my new friend, because she had told me to get some hiking boots for hiking this one trail later this week, and what happens? I walk in the local thrift store, and there, behold was a brand new pair of hiking boots, my shoe size!!! For 10 bucks!!!

I learned this week to immerse myself in those joyful things...finding Holey rocks (rocks with holes in them) on hte Creek with my new friend, and looking at the Western Wall webcam, wondering if I'll see Bill Miller! I missed seeing him on the webcam, though! Then, I started thinking about the Knap-in coming up in May (a knap in is a gathering where people make arrowheads) and thinking about selling baskets, and hoping the flute maker will be there...the one who makes beautiful 6 hole Native flutes...making them out of naturally curved branches...and learning more on my flute. I want to play Israeli tunes on my flute.

And, you know what? Even if worse thigns are coming on the nation, and the doom and gloom prophecies...I learned that I need to live my life to the fullest in joy in the LORD, not as a religous bound joyless person, thinking that everyone else is going to hell. and only I'm in His Will, and others, are all doomed. I had a enough of depression in my life, thinking of these things...I can't handle it all, but GOd can. He wants me to be that light, and to love others, not be fearful and avoiding every single lost person. I had enough of dealing with my mom's fears that I have to deal with others fears., enough alone with mine!! I can't avoid every single person. God gives us that knowing inside of us to be careful. Even around other brothers and sisters.