My early years

My mom wasn't always paranoid, etc. I remember when she was normal when I was real little. Yet, it wasn't all rosey. There was still something there. Like I had mention, I was a premature baby, resulting in not enough oxygen to my lungs, causing some brain damage. I also suffered ear infections, etc when I was around 2.

I lived with my mom at my grandparents house in Fort Worth, TX. My mom's side of the family. My mom's sister and brother still lived in the house at the time, too. My mom was 20 when I was born. Her sister was a year or two younger, and then her brother, my uncle the youngest who was still in High School. My uncle and I used to fight over the bisquits at breakfast!! LOL. No, not literally, but we both loved bisquits and would try to eat the last one! LOL.

I remember still sleeping in my babycrib, and waking up real early in the morning and climbing out of the baby crib, going in the other room and turning the tv on. Back then, there were only 4 or 5 stations on. Abc, NBC, CBS, IND and PBS. I would sit in my little black rocker and change channels, discovering the Jetsons, Leave it to Beaver, Captain Kangeroo. One morning, however, my uncle was up early and he had it on "Slam Bang Theatre"! I was hooked!!! There was these grown ups throwing pies at each other!! Slam Bang Theatre was a local popular kids show in the Dallas-Fort Worth area! A guy named Icky Twirp was the host. He was funny looking with a little cowboy hat. In between the slapstick comedy he did with some others (who i don't remember)..was shown the "Three Stooges" and popeye and felix the cat cartoons.

Often I was left by myself in the Garden room, watching TV or playing with my blocks, toys, etc. It was during this time I suffered ear infections. My ears hurt and I couldn't talk and no one knew my ears hurt. I even almost went deaf...I couldn't hear. My mom or grandmother says that I tried to put a fork in my ear, which freaked them out...and learning that my ears were bothering me they took me to the doctor. I had to have tubes put in my ears, so I remember going to the hospital. I remember being put on the gurney and led into the operation room! That was freaky for me!! I remember a black gas mask put over my nose and mouth, and I went under. The next thing I remember, was waking up in a room, with other kids in cribs. I wanted water and a nurse brought water for me to drink. Then, my mom came in and got me.

I had to make another trip to the hospital again, after that, to have my adnoids taken out.

But during this time in my childhood, my dad came to visit one time. I didn't always remembered this memory. It came back to me after my dad's mom told me of how he came to visit one day with stuff animals. Someone must have had me answer the door. I was only 2. I opened the door, and there was this man with stuff animals in his arms. I didn't know he was my dad. I thought he was just another friend of my moms. My mom and I had gone up to Colorado to visit a friend of hers. His nickname was "H". I remember my mom showering, and I was upset and crying and "H" trying to cheer me with stuff animals. I had thought that it was "H" coming to give me those stuff animals. I led my dad in, thinking he was that friend of my mom's. I guess I was showing him my blocks, toys, etc...and was turning the tv on, etc. My grandmother says that he was impressed that at 2 yrs old I knew how to turn on the tv, get into everything, etc. My mom nad dad then started having a conversation. I don't remember it too well. I think they might have argued, but not sure. It wasn't until after my mom let him leave and closed the door, that she turned and told me that was my dad.

I don't remember if it was right after my dad leaving, or another day, but I remember my mom taking me for a walk across the street to the park. We went and sat under some big oak trees. I was playing, and finding a soda straw on the ground, used it to 'brush' my mom's long brown hair. I loved my mom. But then, I saw that she was crying. I had never seen her cry before. It seemed like eternity sitting there...I tried in my childlike way to cheer my mom up by playing with her hair. She wouldn't budge. She sat and cried. Then took me back home.

Sometime during this time, before or after, I don't remember, we moved out of my grandparents house and into a small house a few blocks away. My mom was going to school at TCU. When my mom was at school, I would be at my grandparents and Myrtle would care for me. Myrtle was a gentle, loving black lady who cleaned my grandparents house and took care of me. She had also cared for my mom and her siblings when they were small. Myrtle loved the LORD. In fact, the first time I went to church was with Myrtle. She took me to her church and I remember the soulful bluesy gospel music! Myrtle could sing and she played the piano. I spent the night at Myrtle's home a few times and she took me to her sisters.

But one day, my mom didnt' take me to my grandparents. One day she kept me in my room. I couldn't get out. I cried. My mom came in. I was so glad she opened the door...I headed out and she blocked my way. I tried to get out, but my mom beat me. she pulled my hair and hit and beat me. It was the first time she did this. It traumatized me. I had totally forgotten about this memory but it came back to me 10 yrs ago. She locked me in the room, and i was in there for I don't know how long. A day, two days? I don't know. I remember banging my head on the wall, throwing a fit, crying. The neighbor kids looked in the window and made fun of me. I don't remember it all. It was traumatic...when I was finally let out..it was Myrtle who had come and found me. I had dirty pants and she changed and bathe me and took me over to Nana and grandad's.
I don't know why she did this. I don't know if she was studying finals and under stress, or if she had smoked too much pot or what...(my mom, along with her friends smoked pot)...but it was a very dark day or 2 in my life. I thought it was the end of the world and that my mom didn't want me.
It was shortly during thsi time, that another night, my mom was taking my temprature...thru my rear end...I was very uncomfortable. She took my clothes off and was taking my temprature. I squirmed. Afterwards, she dressed me in my pajamas and put me to bed. I was glad it was over with. But, a few minutes later, she came back in, and did the same thing...took my clothes off and stuck the thermoature up my rear...I hated it. It wasn't until about 11 yrs ago, when I went thru deliverence of some demons...three of them. The LORD brought this memory back to me...it dawn on me what had happened. It wasn't just 'my mom taking my temprature". It was a form of sexual abuse. When the shock and realization of this came back to me...I cried out to Abba, LORD I forgive her!" I was so shocked to realize what it was...immediately I wailed...3 demons left me...one of which cried like a baby. I then remembered, that after my mom had done what she did to me...she made some snide comments about "Tommy", my dad . Then, she dressed me, put me back to bed. Laying in bed, the LORD spoke to me. I didn't hear Him, it was just a knowing of things...I didn't know what demons were, but in my childlike mind, I knew that 3 entities had just entered me...but that I would be delivered of them when I was grown up and that when I was older, I would help bring healing and deliverence to others. I had totally forgotten all about this!!

Shortly after this, I don't know after or before, but one day at 'Nana and granddad's", my mom was sitting and studying. I went outside in the backyard to play. I don't know who or if it was deliberate, but when I went back to the sliding glass door to come in, the door was locked. I knocked and yelled. No one came. My mom was in the other room studying. I think my grandmother was at the grocery store. I got agitated and started to kick the glass door with my bare foot. I kicked so hard that i hurt my foot and it started bleeding and blood poured on the porch. Finally my grandmother, with my mom behind her, came and opened the door and rushed me to the hospital. When I had asked either of them about this, they both claim they didn't remember it.

Then, one day, I had an accident. I was standing in a chair, about to have lunch. My grandmother told me not to lean back in my chair, but I did and fell backwards, and hit my head against the stone fireplace. It was awful! I don't remember much...I don't even remember having my head stitched...but I have a scar in the back of my head from this incident. Of course, I have a lot of hair that keeps it hidden. Usually when I get my hair done, it is the hairsylist who comes across the scar.

It was soon after my experience with my mom abusing me, that one day I decided to run away, thinking, my mom didn't love or wanted me. I did attempt to run away at my mom's, but someone always brought me back. I was depressed livng with my mom. I prefered being at my grandparents house. One day, however, at Nana and Grandad's, I took the notion to run away. I went outside and crossed a busy intersection...miraculously, it wasn't all that busy that time. I went and headed into the Elks Lodge. I wanted to find some red lollipops, and sure enough there were red lollipops on the coffee table. I headed over there and just as I got there, someone spoke my name. I turned and there was a man standing there. He knew my name. He took me in his arms and lovingly spoke to me, telling me something worse would happen to me if I was to run away and that he had to take me back home. He not only spoke to me but he could understand me. (I had a speech problem and people thought I couldn't talk and couldn't understand me)..This man did understand me and the first time in my life, I was actually having a conversation with Someone!

Lets just say he wasn't a regular person. He was someone special. Sent from the LORD to bring me back home. He put me on his shoulders and took me back home..rang the doorbell and my mom and grandmother answered the door. There are things a bout this I wish could share, but can't right now. But somehow, I knew that my family was under the enemy's influence. Hostile to the LORD and that was why I was mistreated. I realize at that young age, that I was living in a type of matrix. He gave me back to my grandmother and mom and left and as I was eating the red lollipops, I chose to forget the reality of the matrix...of my family being under the influence of the enemy. I didn't want to think about that. This was another memory I had totally forgotten until around the same time my other memory of my mom abusing me came back.

I have another story, but I need to take a break now before I go on with the other story.