Some early memories and family background

When I was little. baby, I had ear infections, and was given medicine, that made me sleep...I would have weird dreams...I would dream of being in a hospital in an incubator type thing...and a doctor writing notes on a clipboard in one corner of the room, and a machine in the other corner, shaking, making a noise...I had also dreamed of what looked llike a swimming pool full of what looked like propane tanks, with soapsy bubbly substance all over, and everything shaking. I've wondered if maybe these weren't just dreams..but if I was experiemented on as a baby in some gov. lab...or maybe just bad dreams...from when I was stuck in the hospital in an airlock as a premature baby...I had to spend another week at the hosptial because my mom, aunt and grandmother all came down with the measles...suposely, my mom suspects my dad brought the virus with him when he came to visit from being in the army.

My grandfather, my dad's dad, worked at White Sands missile range, when I was a little baby...he was head of security for the Nasa Apollo program at White Sands...The astronauts, training for the moon missions, did part of their training at White Sands. He got to meet all of them. Even drove one astronaut all the way back to the airport in El Paso to pick up his luggage after a luggage mix up.. I've wondered what all my grandfather knew that he couldn't talk about.

My dad was murdered when I was8 yrs old, 1974. A gag order was put on my dad's death, and my family was not told why my dad was murdered...my mom was divorced from my dad at the time...I never knew him,....they divorced when I was a baby. I heard that my dad was investigating missing material at White Sands (My dad was in the army...and I think but not sure, I think he did security work at White Sands, too)...and somebody didn't like him snooping. I don't know. Maybe they just wanted revenge on my grandfather for some reason. My grandfather had also been a lawman.

When I was 11, I met my dad's folks for the first time...and would go see them for christmas and summer vacation, etc...I was livng with my mom in Colorado Springs at the time...and during this period..(I'm skipping over some things...but that's okay) my mom was paranoid about stuff...I think my dad's death effected h er, and cause her to have paranoid problems..and cause her and my stepdad to divorced. She came in one day, claiming there were two dark cars with men in dark glasses parked across the street watching us. I didn't believe her at first...I went outside and sure enough, there were two dark cars with men in dark glasses and suits watching our house...just like in the movies...it was freaky...they saw that I saw them and drove off. I freaked...I wasn't in school at the time..and wondered if maybe it was the gov. checking on me to see if I was not in school...I was getting VA checks in the mail, because my dad was in the service when he died...

Another night, I can't remember if it was before or after this incident...on the spur of the moment..after we had gone out to eat...my mom decided to take us for a drive up the mountain, where it overlooks the city...as we were driving up the mountain...we were literally almost driven off the road...someone was right on our tail...my mom pull over off to the side to let them pass by, and they drove up RIGHT BESIDE US!!! That scared the living daylights out of us, we were both crying and my mom spinned around and sped us down the mountain as fast as she could!! I never thought about it...thought it was just a drunk guy looking for women, etc...until now...I've connected the dots...

I was visiting my grandparents for the first time...I now wonder if somebody was scaring us, thinking that my grandfather was telling me things ab out my dad's death..or what info he knew...he never did...in fact..one time out in public, at a flea market...I was excited, because I realized I did have a memory of my dad visiting one time, and wanted to tell my grandfather but he shushed me and told me not to talk about my dad. I though at the time, it was because the subject was too painful for him...(and I know it was), but now i wonder if there was something else to it...being out in public and He knew there would be spys, etc?

A few years later, I went to live with my mom's parents back in Texas..I had a dream about someone killing my grandfather. As I would go visit my dad's folks out in Arizona...my grandfather had more work given to him by his boss..and he wasn't able to take me places as much as he did the previous year. He took me to his bosses office one time (he was a boyscout ranger,..took care of a boyscout ranch), and when I was waiting for him in the truck... he came out of the office..I heard him cuss...he was really angry...and knew he didn't want me to hear him...and when he got to the truck, appeared calm as before...but it shocked me to hear him soooo angry when he walked out the door! He never did raise his voice...get angry, out of control, etc around me...but that time..and another time..when I saw him out on the patio, mulling, he seemed really angry and depressed, scared me...I now wonder if maybe 'the powers that be' ordered his boss to load work on him, so to keep him from spending time with me...thinking he would talk to me about things...


my grandfather died of a heart attack in 82. I wonder now if maybe they did have him killed!...by loading him with work! He was 62.

Sometime after my grandfather's death, my mom's dad, received a phone call from a gov. man..who wanted to check on how i was doing in school...It was supposely a routine check on those who receive VA checks, (You get the check if you are in school)...It freaked me out..and right there, I decided not to talk about my dad...I felt that it would be trouble if I did when the gov. man see me. He would visit me at school. I thought that was odd...a man came...he wasn't in dark glasses, etc, but seemed to be average joe in old car. I showed him my art, etc...it seems that he did stare at me a certain way when I first saw him...as if maybe he knew my dad (I resemble my dad in looks)...but he didn't do anything weird etc...he went on and left after I showed him my art, etc. I wonder, t hough if he was somebody who knew my dad and was involved somehow..or if the gov sent him to see if I would have questions, wanting to know about my dad....I didn't talk...I figured if I did, I would experience harassement down the line.

For the longest time I was afraid to know the details of my dad's death, and the name of the man who killed my dad...well, I finally got up the courage and looked up newspaper articles...I had been told that someone called my dad up and told him that my stepdad, mom and I were in town (Ruidoso) adn that my stepdad was beating us up...which wasn't true...we w ere in Taos. He took two other guys and headed over to the house where we were said to be...it was an old man and his wife...the old man was in the back, and his wife answered the door...the old man claimed that my dad nad the guys were harassing his wife and stealing things..wasn't true...she disputed that, too. He came from the back, shot my dad, and one of the other guys...but the third guy got away. I heard that my aunt had tried to find the third man..to learn more about what had happened.. but it was as if he dropped off the face of the earth. The newspaper articles made it sound as if my dad and the others were burglars. A month after the incidnet...the third man was arrested in another state...it still made it sound as if it was a burglary. But several months later, my grandparents received a document signed by PResident Ford, declaring my dad dying in defense of the country.