great-grandmother Susa and family

I sure hope my blog isn't boring to those of you out there who are reading my blog!! I'm glad I have this blog..I can write down my thoughts, and history, and hopefully, Someone might read and give me insight on stuff! Especially about my dysfunctional family. Or if I have to see a counselor one of these days, I can direct them here, to the blog, to save time, so I won't wear myself out the umpteeth time giving them my background and history! Anyway...

I should go back to when I was 2 years old..couldn't talk, ear problems, etc..

One day my grandfather took me to meet my great-grandmother...his mother. Grandmother Susa was 89 years old. She had a colorful history. Remember, this is on my NonIndian side of the family. She was born in 1881 and went by covered wagon as a baby to Colorado with her family. She grew up in Grand Junction, Colorado. Her father was a banker and owner of a narrow gauge railroad train and coal mine. There is a book written about him and the narrow gauge train and coal mines. It's out of print, but you might find it at Amazon.com or Ebay.

http://www.amazon.com/Little-Bookcliff-Railway-Colorado-Narrow/dp/0871086387/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1226034270&sr=8-1

Anyway, I would love to tell the story about her father and his part in the gold rush in the Yukon, and Grandmother Susa being a performer, and Opera singer, etc, but I'll save that for another time. Right now I want to concentrate on when I met Grandmother Susa.

She scared me when I met her. I kind of block it from my memory, but it slowly came back to me..my grandfather said that she couldn't talk because of the stroke she had, and I couldn't talk, and we just stared at each other. I was paralyzed...I felt intimidated and scared as she stared at me...I felt the creeps bigtime. I was hoping she would motion for me to come over and get in her lap, etc. But she never did. She then made a face of disapproval for my staring at her. I guess...

When she died, I was relieved because I did not want to be around her. I was soo scared of that old lady. I would later find out that she was into the occult..Rosicruciaism, and books by Helena Blavatsky (a forerunner of the new age movement), eastern mysticism, etc. She once welcomed Paramahansa Yogananda into her home. And I came across info that she led a Rosicrucian weekly meeting at her home, as well. So she was really seriously in this stuff. No wonder I was sooo creeped out by her!! It wasn't her just staring at me...I think she was 'reading' me psychicly, or demons glaring at me.

I wonder if a certain childhood fear was connected to that meeting her. When I was around 3 or 4, sleeping in a bedroom at my grandparents house...I would get frightened of the 4 prong telephone plug outlet in the wall. Back in the 60s and early 70's, phones had a little different plug...it was about an inch or 2 in diameter and had 4 prongs...and was pluged in a 4 prong socket in the wall. It wasn't the itty bitty little square thing like we have today.

I felt as if the upper 2 holes in the telelphone wall outlet was staring at me..as if there was an entity staring at me. It scared me! I then went in the other room...the bathroom, unplugged the telephone and brought it in my room and plugged it in so I didn't have to have it staring at me!
The creeps that I felt around Grandmother Susa, I now feel around my mom, brother, uncle and Aunt! It's awful. My mom and uncle are both mentally unstable. I think my brother is, too. I can't live around them...that's one reason I live out of state. It gets worse and worse...it seems. I just wish I was in a stable family. I'm planning on going to Fort Worth for Thanksgiving...my mom wants me there..but I will have to grin and bear it. However, a friend of mine, who lives outside Fort Worth, is talking about a possible field trip that the gem and mineral club she belongs to may be having Thanksgiving weekend, to go looking for Agates and Jasper. If so, then that will make my holiday, because I'm really not looking forward to hanging around dysfunctional family members!