Pilgrim candle and almost sacrificed!

It was during this time in my life at 5, when my mom started going thru a phase of visiting churches. One night or two, my mom, Jim and I went across the street to an empty lot to burn books...I dont know what kind of books they were...I was too young to know..but I wonder if they were witchcraft books...I don't know..but...My mom wasn't saved or turned to the LORD, Jim lived there with us (outside of marriage) and they smoked pot. I always seemed to get in trouble for one thing or another and I hated Jim. It seemed he was always giving me spankings. I tried to fight back. I would fantasize about 'getting back" etc...I don't remember what all I got in trouble for, but it doesn't matter, just the constant spankings, etc, I hated it...I think there was a rivaly between Jim and I for mom's affections. I'm not sure if Jim resented having to have a 'stepdaughter' as well as my mom...I don't know. I think that is what caused me to silently vow that when I grew up I would not be into guys. I've never really been 'boy crazy' in my teen years, etc. There were only a few brief crushes and that's it. Anyway..getting back to the topic..Momma, Jim and I started visiting Dick, an old friend of my grandfather's..(my mom's dad) Dick lost an eye in WW II and was a 'Christian'. I would later learned that he was on the board of directors for "Christ for the Nations". In fact, one night we went to a Christ for the Nations (a charismatic christian school located in Dallas) meeting....and my mom went up for prayer with Dick who 'ministered' to her. My mom fell to the floor, then Dick helped her up and they continued praying. My mom later told me that she "received the Holy Ghost and speaking n tongues) when Dick prayed for her. Sometime after that, there were nights at home, when my mom would be in the bedroom 'praying' in tongues. I didn't know what it was..I thought she was praying in spanish. But there was no change of life, turning from sin, etc, see what happened...Dick did not lead her to the LORD, Salvation message or the Gospel..just led her in 'receiving the Spirit and speaking in tongues'...a counterfit tongues! She did not do it in a peaceful way...there was agitating, as if she wasn't in control and it sounded scary.

One day, Jim was away, and my mom didn't seem herself...she seemed like someone else. She put a candle of a pilgrim in my bedroom window. (it was near Thanksgiving). She lit it as I went to bed, and I was laying in bed..my mom was in the other room was 'praying' or chanting uncontrollably, it started scaring me and as I looked at the pilgrim candle..I felt as if it was connected to my mom's chanting in the other room. I got scared and wanted to get rid of the candle...I don't know why I didn't think about blowing the candle out...I think it was because I was afraid of the dark...but somehow, I reached over to the candle and it got knocked over and the carpet caught on fire. My mom's tongues got even more intensed and scary and I thought it was GOd telling me that He hated me and wanted me dead...I was told that inside of my head...I now know it wasn't God tellling me this, but it was satan, the prince of lies. Satan lied to me...but at the time, I didn't know that...I really did think God hated me and wanted me dead. I can't remember if I got up and (usually I had a plastic glass of water next to my bed...I always wanted a glass of water when I went to bed) I can't remember if I threw that water on the fire..or if the fire went out on it's own, but it smoldered out. My mom stopped her 'praying' and came in, seeing the damaged carpet and proceeded to spank me. I went to bed that night, tense, and uneasy, feeling doom, knowing (believing the lie) God didn't care for me.

I've mentioned that night to my mom but she doesn't remember it. I'm not surprised. she doesn't 'speak in tongues' anymore. The last time she did, was a few years later in Taos NM, one christmas eve, we visited the Taos Pueblo. Jim stayed with the men outside and I went with my mom in the catholic church there at the Pueblo. Many of the Taos Pueblo women were inside praying. I don't know the meaning behind it..but it's a tradition..and my mom and I sat down and my mom started praying along with the women. The women prayed in Spanish, and my mom prayed in tongues. I wanted out of there bigtime!! It was creepy! There was a statue of 'Mary' up front and it freaked me out! I asked my mom if I could go outside with the men and she let me...and I was soooo glad to get out of there! I joined Jim and the others, who were standing in the snow. There was a young Pueblo guy and an elder wrapped in a blanket...they led us in a Native round dance! I loved that. I loved that much better than the catholic church and my mom's 'praying'. I realize now, my mom was unknowingly probably praying 'curses' on the people. It's ironic, also, the pilgrim candle that my mom putting in my window...looking at the pilgrim candle brought up all sorts of negative images of 'puritans' and the Salem witchtrials and creepy spiritual abusive junk!

I've shared this story to others on a certain charismatic online forum, but they think I'm twisting things around and think that my mom was 'baptized in the Holy Spirit" and was interceding for me, knowing the incident with the candle was going to happen. It surprised me that they would think that. They think there's no such thing as a demonic tongue. Well, they weren't there!! I know what i saw.. I saw the glazed look in my mom's face and how she seemed to be 'someone different' when she put that candle in my window. She lit it, too. I was only 5 yrs old. I believe she was either possessed or in a different personality when she did this. I wonder now about Dick,...and CHrist for the Nations. If my new friend Judy encountered satanism at ORU..(and I for one, definitely believe her!!), then what was going on at Christ for the Nations?? What about Dick?
We visited Dick . around Christmas time that same year, when I was 5, my mom, Jim and I. He had a little Christmas fellowship..the grown ups sat in the living room and sang "Silent Night' and I played with Dick's son, and another girl who was there. I got scared and said there were monsters in the house.
The last time I saw Dick, he seemed kind of loud and cheerful in a funny overdone way. I wonder,..with learning about the Monarch programming, mind control, reading Judy's story, and "Brice Taylor's "Thanks for the Memories", if Dick was a type of handler, and doing mind control over my mom. I don't know. It seems...I dont remember my mom going off, sleeping with politicians, or at satanic rituals etc...but I know we went thru a phase of visiting churches, especially wednesday nights. One night, we went to a big christian gathering...and they were sharing the gospel...I didn't understand it all, about accepting Jesus, being saved...I just thought I had to be baptised...and I told my mom and stepdad that I wanted to go up to the front and be baptised. My mom did her thing..stayed...and Jim took me out in the back..(it was at a sports arena) and wouldn't let me go..he kept me in the back, til it was all over and we went home. They would not let me give my life to the LORD.. I would forget about that incident. (I think now, that this incident at the arena was before the incident that night with the pilgrim candle).

Anyway, I know that this part is intense, and I know now, that it was all a big FAT LIE from satan and the pit of hell!! GOd does love me!! I know that now!! And I love Him!! I'll share how I came to know Him, later on in the blog!!